It seems like Bella is smart and I'm not. The picture? I don't understand. And fuck if I didn't miss Bella. Her Bella Bella moments. How Edward always found a way to touch her and melt my insides. I miss them. Together. Bella's self destructing phase is tiring me. Tiring Edward. I am in awe with him. He stays very strong. I know it's hard for him but he tries. God knows how much he tries.
*"Yeah…me either." He has no idea what I mean, though my reply makes perfect sense.
- He is a fighter. He didn't know. Cause there was never be enough reason. With Tanya. Yeah. That was also one part of. But being father altered Edward completely. He was always sweet, gentle and smooth. Now. We al know that. If there is a need. Edward does anything to protect Grace. He hopes that Bella will be with him on this road. But even if she decides not to be, Edward will not turn back. He completely accepte Grace as his own and will not anyone treat her any less. Someone said daddy bear. Yeah. just like that
* "Well, I have a few that you could probably take on," he nods to the group of kids - middle school age - waiting for their lesson.
- I miss Emmett's humor. It's not very visible in UTAT. It put a smile on my face to be able to see it.
* I laugh a little and duck back under the ropes. I pay her the fee and see little Jacob sitting in one of the seats.
- How I love this kid and how I feel like him.
* There is a certain fear in this kid's face that I hate. I know that he doesn't fear me, just my gender, but still.
- Makes me sad. And knowing that now he wants Bella to be there but can't have his wish makes me even sadder. I'm glad Emmett is there for him. He is a good person.
* And his fear is overshadowed by hope. A hope I don't want to crush, but Bella has made that a little bit impossible.
- Stupid eyes.
* Jacob is deflated by my words and I am slowly having my Resentment Tank filled. I watch as all of the children take their lesson with Emmett. He is actually quite good with these kids. I am impressed. My Hope Tank is a little fuller.
- I liked these tanks. It's a great anology. I think I'm gonna use it.
* I put my hand up. "No offense, Emmett, but I just really want to kick the shit out of something. Can we get right to that part?"
- Made me smile and sad at the same time.
* A humorless laugh leaves his mouth. "Yeah…like I said. What's up?"
- Did I say that I love Emmett, dearly. He has a speacial part in my heart and I'm sorry that SMeyer didn't tell us his background story more detailed like she did with other characters.
* "Grace is deaf." I hit harder. He lowers his hands.
- These little words makes the air colder. My heart bigger. And my chest smaller.
* "No offense, Edward, but Bella isn't going to listen to you. You enable her too much for that to happen."
- Yes! When I said in my last review, 'I liked -yanking from the couch part- I was talking about this.' She needs it. I thought Edward was not capable of doing it but it seems that talking ith Jasper (And probably with Emmett) helps.
* "Nah, she's got that bottle and a free place to live. You're just the chump funding it. I warned you about this that day in the parking lot. You wanna love Bella, that's fine. But right now, she needs a kick in the ass and boundaries. Not a fucking free ride and punching bag to use at will. You wanna help Bella?"
- Emmett is the only one who could say these and I'm glad he did.
* He picks up his bag and I follow him out. Rosalie stands when she sees him. She smiles and her hands cup the back of his head. He squeezes her hips and kisses her. They look happy. I want happy.
- I want happy for him, too. And that '
Rosalie stands when she sees him. She smiles' part made me so happy. The guy deserves it.
* "You…you look like when you and Aunt Tanya used to…used to fight."
- Only a child. Only a child can say you the facts as naked as that. It felt like a slap.
* She scoots to my side. Her head leans on my arm. "She promised." And I am not the only one who has a Resentment Tank.
- I'm loving these tanks so much.
* You have that sad-puppy-face on…maybe she'll even feel bad enough to fuck you. I always did.
- Fuck Bella. Stop hurting yourself. Stop trying to hurt Edward. It doesn't help. It never helps.
* "You disgust me when you act like this, Bella. I know it's all an act, but it still disgusts me. I think you're one of the most beautiful people I have ever met and I love you, I love you so much, but right now, I hate you. I hate your selfishness and I hate your weakness. I hate your mask and I hate the look in your eyes."
- I always admired how honest they can be with each other. But, this is another level of honesty. Edward is being honest with himself. And I'm sure it's not easy. It's not easy for him to say these to her but he knows it's necessary. (p.s. Bella made me gag. For God's sake. She knew very well that Edward would reject her. She just try to lower herself more and have one more reason to hate herself.)
* "If you go back to working as a prostitute or a stripper, I will never speak to you again. I will never let you see Grace and I will see to it that a judge changes our adoption agreement to ensure that. And before you are allowed to see her again, I want you enrolled in therapy, or a program. You need to show me that you are trying. You need to prove to me that my time is worth something to you."
- Wow. Just wow. As I said. Another level of honesty and courage.
* "So, we want the guys in red to win. The guys in blue are not our friends." Grace looks at me like I am insane. I laugh a little. "Red. We want red."
- I love how he talks with her. How he treats her like she is mature person. Actually with those wise stares, she looks/feels like one sometimes.
* I make a face. "Don't call her that."
- See, dady bear.
Never allows anyone treat her lower than she deserves. And he believes and I believe, she deserves the best.
* She puts her hat on Grace's head, but it is too big. She laughs and pulls it away, placing it back on her own head. Whenever there is a good play and the crowd erupts into cheers and clapping and excitement, Grace's feet wiggle. Bree looks at her each time and makes her give 'high-fives', by holding her small hand and tapping her palm to it. She makes faces and says things are funny to her. And even in silence, Grace looks like she understands. She looks happy and she looks like she understands. And my Happiness Tank…gets a little fuller.
- I love how she acts like her sister. She is so sweet.
* "You're a boy." "I'm a boy doctor. Spill it."
- Made me giggle. A boy doctor.
* And her tone says I am supposed to understand this. My face tells her I don't.
- Lets put it in our Dani box
Faces speak. Tones give attitude.
* "Jeeze…you are so embarrassing." She huffs again. "It's what happens when girls become flowers and boys want to pollinate them."
- For fuck's sake, who said that to this poor girl. Now she'll wait for a boy to pollinate her for the rest of her life.
* Pollinate them? Flowers? Why would a boy want to…oh. Ohhhh. Shit. "I'll go get Esme."
- Seriously, giggles.
* I feel her weight on me and her lips trying to find mine, but they would only taste a lie.
- Taste a lie. Into the box.Only you.
* "I'll make it up to you," She leans in again, but I stop her.
- Fuck Bella! Don't be like this. God..
* My arms want to hold her. They want to shake the shit out of her. They want to touch her chin and make her look at me and understand why I can't I look at her.
- I always loved conflicted emotions. Always. You use them very good.
Ah... I think. I'm not sure but I think, I never wanted the next chapter this strong. Maybe it's because of the damn picture. Maybe it's just, I don't handle well being not smart.
will she?