I probably already mentioned this, but I when I was rec'd your story by EZRocksAngel (Anna), I had just had a life saving surgery, due to complications from ectopic pregnancy rupture, which, of course, resulted in the loss of the fetus and my left ovary...blood. Ugh, just it was awful. Anyway, so she rec'd this story to me and I started to read. I ping'd her after not so many chapters in and asked her if she realized that I had just lost a pregnancy that I wanted....and was she batshit for rec'ing this to me! She said, just keep reading.
So I did.
Again.
And again.
I'm so glad I didn't stop because of the loss I was feeling, or because I was too worried it wouldn't end favorably. Because the changes I've experienced in me while reading have been remarkable, in some cases flattering, and wholly necessary. I've had the opportunity to read about a life I normally wouldn't, feel things I normally wouldn't...see things I normally wouldn't. All because of you.
I've seen people on the side of the road with their signs and outstretched hands and have smiled at them. In their face...to their face. Not because I know anything about them, but because he is he and I am me. She is she and I am...me. We're completely different, but in so many ways the same. Before this, I would have maybe smiled a little, or not looked at them twice or at all. But that's not fair of me. It wasn't fair of me. Especially considering that the suit I saw and oogled the other day could have been in that person's very spot a year before. Two years before. A decade before...and I'll never know. Because they put in the effort to change them.
And I'm putting in the effort to change me.
The progress and love I've witnessed reading this story has been incredible. It's staggering really. It's shown in SO many, many ways...some hard to spot, others plain as day. It's been shown in words that were comfortably spoken and in harsh tones the characters would sometimes rather forget or take back. But once it's out there, there's no going back. And man how, I'd never want to go back!
I've seen the purest of loves. The love of a child. And it makes me weepy and happy and sad, and so very grateful. I just want to lift each of my children and spin them until we're dizzy and fall to the ground. And tell them even more that I love them—to the point of embarrassment on their part. Because anything could happen, to me, to them, and I want it drilled in their brain that they were everything to me. The same for my husband. Because he owns me, body and soul and without him I'm a lesser me.
So I'm already feeling like this massive weepy, stinky mess (cause I've not taken a shower yet today—oh, and it's past 1pm, almost 2pm) and then you have to go and bring up windows. FML.
I'm sitting here and thinking about what someone would see if they looked in my window. And then a thought occurred to me...what would someone see if they looked in my husband's window? Or my children's? Would I be a part of that as much as I hope? How many windows would I see into and find myself? I hope it's a lot. Because I think my window, in turn would be even the greater. The greatest. And I will have done well.
I love Bella and Edward both with my whole heart. The way they are with each other, their complexities and simpleness can be a lessen for anyone willing to dig a little to find it. Their selflessness and charity towards each other and those around them are not without impact. As a result of their influence we've seen others change and grow into better thems. I wouldn't have expected this drastic a change when I started hesitantly reading one afternoon in June. But it's there. All of it.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I may internalize everything or put a personal take on this, but honestly, I think it's the bestest compliment I can give. Because of you I'm changed. It doesn't get much better than that.
I look for more, and thanks in advance for always providing it.
Love,
Rebecca